The Mount Vernon Preservation Society has just published a historical note just found, last April, while restoring George Washingtion’s library desk. 1. Go to gun and knife show- buy nice looking saber 2. Order blonde wig-skip powder 3. Ask if can row with Harvard racing crew (practice) 4. Order Thompson’s Water Seal- false teeth 5. Get new suit No cuffs No epaulets Something in lavender Silk makes me itch 6. Summer-hot days- Martha getting ripe 7. Indians want Thanksgiving their place this year 8. Renew survey license 9. John Adams sucks 10. Dr says allergic to horses 11. Mount Vernon get lawn mowed-neighbors complaining 12. Martha -talks and talks and talks and talks 13. Forbid slaves play lawn tennis during the week 14. Ben Franklin- Loudmouth bragger electricity shmechtricity So what Who needs it 15. Keep troops Valley Forge busy- organize volleyball teams 16. Special treat all regiments- send out for burgers and fries 17. Note- Don ‘t sit down in boat (wrinkles uniform) 18. Lose the buckles on shoes 19. Get a pair of mocacasins 20. See if can buy some used ( low mileage) horse shoes 21.Wonder- Any water anybody south of Pennsylvania Anywhere can hook up 22. French embassador came to lunch. Could not understand one word 23. Hate those offical portraits Why can’t I wear a…… Crew cuts, Make you look younger. More military
It’s Kill Devil Hills. Kitty Hawk, North Carolina Date: December13,1903. Conversation overheard: Orville Wright “Hell no! I’m not going up in that thing!”
From the Library of Congress. Personal notes belonging to President Lincoln drop out of one of President’s office ledgers. 1. Send business cards back to printer-change Abe to Abraham 2. Get new axe 3. Enter log splitting contest July 21st dead line 4. Dig up dirt on Stephen Douglas 5. Learn cha cha 6. Make some tooth picks 7. Keep eye on Jefferson Davis-troublemaker 8. Shave off beard 9. Get new straw hat for summer 10. Major Robert E lee- Always has a smirk, nervous twitch (run background check) 11. Have that dam wart removed 12. Mary Todd- drive me crazy- give 200 bucks ticket to London 13. Wonder how Ann Rutledge is doing 14. Note- Ford Theater opened – pay visit 15. Re-election (problem slaves can’t vote) 16. What is pizza 17. Travel agent -Gettysburg A.Train pass B. pack lunch C. New shirt D. Something for motion sickness E. Keep address short F. Probably hot day drink lots lemonade F.Slip in some vodka 18. Maybe send flowers A Rutledge 19. McClellan- slacker shabby uniform do not promote 20. Forget franchise deal fried chicken Kentucky and Virginia 21. Anybody hear from Ann lately
Recently uncovered from World War 11 Archives – Adolf Hitler’s early “To Do List ” 1. Accept any social invitations 2. Open test concentration camps in Oranienburg and Dachau. 3. Polish boots 4.Olympics- Don’t argue with Jesse Owens 5.Occupy Sudetenland 6. Smile more 7. Stay out of beer halls 8. Execute dry cleaner cook and barber 9. Invade Czechoslovakia and Poland 10. Plan for retirement 11. Eat more fish 12. Invade Denmark and Norway 13. Watch Snow White 14. Invite Pope for dinner 15. Invade France,Belgiam, Luxembourg, Netherlands 16. See if can get deal on Swiss watch 17. Get Luger fixed 18. Get French road map 19. Taste chablis, chardonay if on sale 20. Marshall Petain – birthday card 21. Box of exploding cigars- Stalin 22. Take Lithuania,Latvia, Estonia 23. Buy good fleece -lined winter coat 24. Invade Romania 25. Locate on map 26. Send letter to Gen Rommel- what the hell you doing in Africa ? 27. Don’t forget to invade Greece and Yugosalvia 28. Don’t buy a Yugo 29. Oil and lube all tanks 30. Look for Rudolph Hess 31. Stalingrad looks nice- invade Soviet Union 32. Send Goring a new medal or two 33. Send Christmas cards to Benito, Gobels,Heroito, Goring, Churchill 34. Learn Hebrew
It is rumored that there is a response to McDonald’s recent offering of a one-third pound angus burger. Not to be out done, Burger King will unveil a half-pound bison bugrer complete with lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle, one slice each of American cheese, Swiss cheese and Gorgonzola.Two slices of Canadian bacon, two slices of sugar-cured ham and all on a buttered sesame and poppy seed toasted bun. For a limited time only, in addition, one-quarter pound of tweleve inch fries and a quart of Coke, Sprite , or tea, all for just ten ninety-five will be available. A signed release form must be provided before final purchase. At the bottom of each receipt for the bison burger will be a coupon good for ten dollars off any ambulance service required as a result of your order. The coupon and receipt must be complete and current within a twenty-four hour time frame. In accordance with President Obama’s mandate, illegal immigrants, terrorists, and some Republicans will not be covered. All military personnel and/or any effected members of their families shall be air -evacuated to the hospital of their choice. Minors, unless accompanied by a legal guardian, will not be served the bison burger full value, death defying happy meal. Members of United Mine Workers are cautioned not to confuse any feelings of pain associated with tightness of chest with black lung disease. Wampan, such as sea shells, or deer skins, shall be accepted when purchasing a bison burger, from full -blooded American Indians during normal business hours.
I have a constant drippy nose I didn’t ask for it goodness knows But I do have a constant drippy nose And it flows and flows and flows It was a gift from my mother’s side of the family All of them too have it I suppose I wonder what other kind of nose I would have had could I have chose I know I’ll never ever have the chance to know So I’ll always wonder as I blow and blow and blow
I had sat down to have a meal The phone in disrespect rang It was you And thankfully you do have some appeal I began to dialog with Dr Spock Things were going along Things were beginning to rock I sat down and looked into your eyes What was that fluttering Was it Spanish butterflies Steam was coming off that china plate I began to dream I began to halucinate I could hear you I could hear you with a voice so very very clear All my senses awoke now to draw you near Things are happening now I am picking up on wonderous things Like I pick up my fork I am having conversation now with the Duke of York He looks amazed but we keep on trottin’ My mama’s still out in the fields pickin’ that cotton I’m about to sit and take a bite when the phone rings and it ’s you It’s alway a delight I can feel things move Things are beginning to flow I’m all in light I feel the glow I can feel things move I can feel things grow I begin to have an exchange with John Phillip Suza We can hear the music drifting in from far off Aruba Well the pots and the pans they began to mingle And the radio announces Babe Ruth hit a single I’m sitting down at the table about to break bread When the phone rings and I answer it instead It’s you and I am swept up into a wonderous fable I’m learning advanced alchemy by cable Well they say there’s nothing new under the sun And I say things have just begun
That morning I heard the sergeant scream fix bayonets Yet from across the seas I heard marimbas and castanets All around me men began to yell and shout In coming artillery better watch out And everywhere I looked there were taxis speeding Over there by the swings a little boy had fallen and was bleeding Again I heard the sergeant shout Charge Charge Then all around began the hellish barrage Up ahead I could see the circus just outside of town I could feel Mom’s soft blanket I think it was down Through the cold I hear the sergeant screaming Keep moving Keep moving I must be dreaming But no that was his order In my mind it was still warm as I crossed over the Mexican border Then suddenly all was still That was that I had lost my rifle and the sound of rat-a-tat-tat I heard men all around me talking about my epitaph At last I couldn’t hear the sergeant any more Could you tell me please Who won that game What was the score
Come take a walk with me and see what you can see with me I see blizzards gizzards lizzards and wizzards I see test tubes fast lubes and ice cubes And over there I see Chlorox a red fox a big ox and a cardboard box See Look there’s ice cream cones dog bones no parking zones and cell phones A can of wax jumping jacks a pair of slacks some bubble gum some dim sum and a bottle of rum That’s what I see Be careful now Look where you are going Don’t trip over that lobster watch out for that mobster and I am sure you will agree we can’t overlook that globster Yes That’s right Now look over here See those bottlle caps those rat traps those torn maps There’s some bones and scraps and some open flaps See Here’s a nickel and a dime an organge peel and a lime a clothespin a piece of tin and that’s a mannequin See there There’s some tongue twisters some water blisters and there’s twin sisters and over there you can see some misses and misters a ooga horn sheep that are shorn your frist born and a load of sweet corn That’s what I see What do you see
I could hear the saw mill turning Turning Turning Turning Now louder Louder Louder And louder And then And then it stopped I heard it anyway
