China To-day

President Hu Jintao General Secretary of the Communist Party of China has refused to release his 2010 and 2011 tax returns  Payton manning famous American quarterback rumored to be looking at China for a new football league says it’s like walking on egg rolls around China right now

The GOP Debates Continue

Mitt Romney Newt Gingrich Ron Paul and Rick Santorum are still drawing nice crowds to their debates  They are doing so well in fact the GOP has decided to expand  the debate schedule  They will debate  Mahmoud Ahmedinejad in Tehran  February twelfth Kim Jung-un in Pyongyang  March  seventeenth Vladimir Putin in historic Stalingrad March twenty-eighth and Miss Armstrong’s fifth grade class at Jefferson grade school in Decatur Illinois  April seventh  Debate memorabilia and bags of kettle corn will be made available for sale at all the debates

Your Latest Political News

President Bashar al- Assad has decided not to run in the GOP Florida primary  When asked to comment Sarah Palin is reported to have remarked that she had never heard of this President Bash Ass before

Test Your Basic Math Skills

Factory worker A  can produce twenty-four widgets in an eight hour shift  Factory worker B can produce thirty-two widgets in an eight hour shift  How many days will it take Mitt Romney to buy up the factory ship the machinery to China convert the factory to an indoor skating rink and fire workers A and B

Stop That Nagging Cough

Are you sick with a cold  Is your auto-immune system smashed upon the rocks Chicken soup not working  Tried voodoo medicine to no avail  Do you have that nagging cough over and over again  Hour after hour  Coughing and coughing  All of Western medicine acupuncture transcendental meditation herbs potions all failed That cough  That nagging cough persists  It is dragging you down  We have the cure We can stop that nagging cough  Not in three to four days  Not in two hours and not in twenty to thirty minutes but instantly  Yes instantly  No elixirs syrups capsules tablets or injections either  Smith Brothers Cough Drops  You must be kidding  You got the wrong bunch of Smiths  What you need is Smith and Wesson  The instant cure  Never cough again  It’s Smith and Wesson guaranteed to stop that nagging cough instantly  Smith and Wesson known to work the world over  Stops that barking dog  Eliminates those noisy neighbors  Smith and Wesson Try it  Give it a shot  Your relatives and friends will thank you a lot  Smith and Wesson aims to help

Poco Loco Coca Cola

Here we are in an awful terrible state of affairs world wide  We have starvation famine even in every corner of the globe  Disease is rampant HIV malaria out brakes of E-coli salmonella etc  Children are under educated poorly housed clothed abandoned  We have crop failures global warming wars territorial disputes man’s inhumanity towards his fellow man on display everywhere you look  In the midst of all this  Coca Cola this giant multimillion dollar company operating across the globe is mounting a campaign to save the polar bears  Save the polar bears  A little girl with a bloated stomach is crying herself to sleep somewhere in Africa flies all over her face in a mud hut with no sanitary facilities and Coca Cola is concerned about polar bears

Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep

Now I lay me down to  sleep  These are the things I wish to keep   Sassafras a mountain pass people to harass and people who are crass  Walleye catfish and bass  Scoundrels generals greasy grills lots and lots of frills an Algonquin a Comanche Dizzy Gillespie Bix Beiberbecke a journey a trek your shoulder your neck protocol last call early fall and I would like to keep the Acropolis even people who are monogamous who are kinda monotonous and too votes that are unanimous  I think I would like to retain alms dessert palms all the psalms window blinds Earl Fatha Hines contemporary designs rare exciting finds Tripoli Monopoly all those pastries by Sarah Lee natural supplements gratifying compliments creme de mints those hood ornaments all the earth’s rare elements certain tribal adornments an encyclopedia mixed media bumper crops Broadway hits and flops destinations and routine stops suckers and lollypops  It would be good to retain a chimpanzee the Zuider Zee all those baubles from Tiffany an upset a coup deja vu dolls that cry boo hoo a Belgian shepherd a husky a Grand Mufti a trustee a turn key a massacre a thorn a burr a runaway a stowaway bridges that sway a parfait and I suppose people out on parole a gnome a troll and your shoe’s heel and sole parcheesi recipes that are real easy Doc Grumpy Happy and Sneezy your palate a mallet a shallot dark curses beautifully written verses and overworked nurses  Then there’s injections objections rejections various cross sections and them regularly scheduled trash collections an asteroid an astroid a cactoid typhoid a factoid carcasses crocesses canvasses illnesses and there’s always surprise witnesses   Let us keep in mind brigands walk-ins break ins the Trocadero bone marrow Will Farrow Marilyn Monroe Cabernet and Merlot Gettysburg and Shiloh your noggin a toboggan band stands name brands hand stands your kidneys stuff that is Sidney’s fondue rentals past due revenue stakes that are porterhouse chemicals used to delouse fires out there that we need to douse a blog a pollywog a London fog your intestines cookie tins flavored gins carcinogens plankton coccovan trilogies soliloquies sweet Louise civil unrest Budapest and there’s also a bird’s nest  Let’s include here antioxidants  co-incidents oral rinse the Department of Defense all those predators those creditors all those editors Burlington Lexington Arlington plus we have disposable syringes alcoholics on binges indigents living on the fringes tongue depressors college professors hair dressers as well as counter-espionage a hodge podge a Chrysler and a Dodge and all them informers reformers conformers performers and all them gables eves and dormers  We got here your references your preferences make-believe your shoulder your sleeve people who are prone to deceive pain remedies that relieve toothpaste industrial waste a choker your broker seven card poker gibberish loads of licorice a blemish lots and lots of rubbish your essence your scent your landlord your rent and an apartief and all those poor souls consumed with grief and a synopsis a brief  Finally I would like to hold on to those severe conditions that produce mishaps those in which you are apt to relapse and those conditions in which your mind snaps

What If

What if at the very beginning YES meant NO and No meant Yes  How would you conduct yourself  What would be your guess

Let’s Do It And Do It Right

This is the age of specialization  This is what the human race needs to adhere to   Something it is really really good at  It’s not the arts and humanities  It’s not putting paint on canvas or music or poems  It is not charities the Red Cross welfare programs etc  Only a handful of us are any good at that  The rest of us the vast majority of us are good at something entirely different  We are good at killing each other on a grand scale  We are good at hate too  They go together  Love thy neighbor  Forget that  It’s just not working  Hate  Hate works  It is something everyone clearly understands  It is the one true red hot pure emotion  Hate  You can see it clearly in anyone’s eyes You can taste it  You can feel it  It’s there  You can’t hide it because it is honest it is pure  Hate and war  Each generation finds new better ways to kill  First we had bow and  arrows spears blow darts and then we moved on to muzzle loading guns single shot pistols all just proving to be woefully slow in the slaughtering process of war Next came gatling guns sub-machine guns rockets semi-automatic weapons land mines  Now we are beginning to kill one another on a grand scale  Aircraft bombers block buster bombs atomic and hydrogen bombs  Serial killers drive-by shootings manslaughter splashed across the evening news like you sprinkle fertilizer in the garden muggings bull fighting kick boxing football  Blood everywhere  Let’s take another barbaric step backwards  Let us introduce violence bit by bit to the general population as soon as possible by as many ways as possible  Let’s slip violence into our cartoons comic books TV advertising greeting cards into music such as rock rap and let’s ramp up the violence by pouring drugs onto the streets  Let us get out there boys and girls and step up the state executions the hangings the lynching the tortures like water boarding  Let us get out there and maul each other  Let us do what we humans do best  Let us turn on each other with a frenzy  Let us get out there and kill like we have always done since cavemen picked up clubs and rocks  Let us forget the rules of war  The Geneva Convention  How absurd can you get  Here we have civilized men going about cutting down their fellow man and they have to rein in their barbaric tendencies with rules governing how they do it  Ridiculous  War is the ultimate answer to the complete evolution of a non-violent species  All the violent ones should war on each other for centuries while the few non-violent hide back in the caves   After the last barbarian has died the few remaining peaceniks can come out and start swindling each other again in peace

It’s A Bloody Miracle

Yes  It’s a miracle  A bloody miracle  I’ve been reborn  I’ve seen the light  I have heard the word  Now I understand  I can see a new path  A new awareness  There are new opportunities new challenges ahead  New experiences  New relationships New mistakes  New failures  OH GOD !  WHERE DID I PUT MY GUN !