Captain Midnight And the Curse Of The Umpire

I forgot a small detail You never told me your name your handle your moniker your nickname your alias your numb de plum She stared at me through her closed eyes before she spoke as she was tossing a plum pit into a blender What are you trying to say she innocently replied remarked retorted rejoined returned By then I had fainted I sort of lost track I was starry-eyed and vaguely discontented Like a Clydesdale without a song to sing Why should I have spring fever doctor when it isn’t even Columbus day And then suddenly quickly abruptly instantly I regained my exposure Your NAME TELL ME YOUR NAME or I shall become violent I shall do something that will cause a rash I shall spit Ok Ok Got cha I got it Steady on It’s Lassie Lassie ? Lassie Ah then you are a Scottish girl No my father always wanted a dog My father was a hard-working man Once he was a tailor in a comedy club He kept everyone in stitches and once he worked as a mechanic on the floor of a Hershey Bar factory He tightened up all the loose nuts Enough already Before I take your case tell me How much luggage do you have Let me see she said blindly I’ve got six shopping bags from Kroger and a bowling bag from Bowling Green if you know what I mean It’s a real dream or so it would seem The London fog was coming in the front door now and I couldn’t find my windshield wipers In walked this long-lost looking gent half spent with no rent shoes all bent and had this strange scent A little like chocolate and bourbon My suspicions were heightened my cuffs were shortened and the parking meter outside had expired The meter maid informed me the funeral was at four O’clock just down the block It was now or never I said No Lassie shot back reloading You’re wrong It was just yesterday in Bombay My heart pounded the alarm sounded and the gentleman from the great state of Iowa the poison ivy state the grand state of disruption expounded and declared we were all grounded To be or nuts to thee That is not a question Merely a suggestion I think I’ve some indigestion I might be a hump back or a throw back or a half back I’ll try to hold back Maybe I’ll have a flash back or go out for a light snack Watch out Keep track To be reconsidered