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Who doesn’t like the flavor of bacon Look at those pigs slopping around in the mud in their pig pens gorging themselves on garbage Who would have guessed that from all that mess comes such a delicious tasting meat So I go to the grocery to pick up some bacon The package reads “cured ” which is good That means when you get real hungry for something late at night you can go to the frig take out the bacon peel off a couple slices roll ’em up and stick ’em in  your moth no sweat However this brand you bought has nitrites or sometimes nitrates in it which is NOT good Nitrates have been linked to Alzheimer disease Ok so you can get bacon with No nitrates but it is most likely uncured which means you must cook it first like any civilized person should do So this time I get the nitrate free bacon Sadly it’s uncured but it’s turkey bacon which I regard as a plus .So I’m cooking this peculiar stuff which looks like uniformly manufactured  plywood wall paneling and it’s finally done Not much grease in the pan no bacon like aroma just bland pieces of whatever limply sizzling in the pan Well thanks to modern technology to the highly industrial complex nation we have become to all of the nutritional scientist we have the meat processor that produced this bacon was able to come up with a bacon that tastes exactly like the plastic thick stiff paper package it came in and as a salute to their genius although at one corner of the package it clearly reads ” EASY TO OPEN ”  it takes me about forty-five minutes to separate the top  of the package from the bottom of the package without rushing to the ER with a bloody thumb So here I am Alzheimer free cholesterol in doubt  arteries probably clogged and vowing never ever again to touch a piece of bacon again ever in my entire life


One Comment

  1. And the visual of the “pigs sloshing around in the garbage” conveniently disappears! And don’t ask me cuz I don’t know what turkeys that taste like plywood do?


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