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Tag Archives: Sears

This week’s sales special : A life-sized Mickey Mantel robot in full uniform for just five-hundred dollars It doesn’t bat very well but for just four-hundred ninety-five dollars why not I mean occasionally it will hit a limp home run if all the controls are properly lined up If the sun is shining there’s no rain Mickey might automatically argue with the closest umpire Peanuts Cracker Jax pretzels and hot dogs are not encluded


Give that cowboy next door across the hall down the next block a Sears Crapman all electric branding iron Comes with a thousand foot of cord ( ten dollars more if you want electric cord ) non slip sure grip really hip neo-plastic no-chip grip and six megabytes of storage plus a bowl of porridge and a cardboard case for storage It can guard against chigger bites fend of back bites turn on two taillights and we will toss in two tickets for  any USA overnight flights  It’s moth proof bug proof and shock proof Just turn it on get shocked and there is your proof  Yes sir The Big Dog Branding Iron hot water heater and trailer room warmer Made in Arubastan for under twenty grand

1. How warm should your cockles be  2. The dangers of freezing your cockles  3. Can you ever have too many cockles  3,  What to do if the cockles fall out of your heart  4. Can you  f ry cockles with onions  4. When did you last adjust your cockles  5, Yes you can now order cockles from Amazon  5.  Never buy cockles while in Mexico 6. So you think you have a defective cockle  6.Cockles The first defense against a broken heart 7. One out of every nine residents of the Himalayas do not have cockles  8. No matter what Tyson may say chicken cockles  are not safe for human consumption  Brought to you by the American Association of Genuine Cockle Parts A division of Sears Pacemakers and Egg Timers We’re on track to keep you on track

What we got us here is  moles foals and lost souls  We got high jinx wash sinks armored cars run by Brinks Let’s see We got Teddy Betty and Freddie and people who stand ready We got shuttle cocks dreadlocks gravel and rocks We got Mao Tse Tung Brigham Young and smoked tongue We got here Barack Obama Yokohama and your pretty little mama Then we got Deuteronomy a dichotomy and a fragile economy and your unknown destiny We got JC Penney and Sears broken careers and unpaid loans in the rears Now we also got sharpened pencils pre-cut stencils awkward kitchen utensils and closely held high principles along with people who are game people who are lame and people who seek fame  We got monkeys and gibbons  red silk ribbons and Richard Simmons  We got us dying ocean corals people with no morals and way too many quarrels  We got a unicorn a woman’s scorn the unborn and those who look forlorn  We got Bakersfield and Tehachapi synergy and wasted energy and a looming catastrophe Look at what else we got Right here is wooly lambs candied yams jellies and jam and oil filters by Fram clock works a roll of Certs and neatly pressed work shirts We also got colitis things that excite us and a crowded morning intercity bus Then we got the tropics hot topics and all those Slavics a mahout a well made suit a leather boot fire places lipstick traces and unsolved murder cases Well I think I could go on and on but I feel a yawn coming on so I am  done I am gone

From the 2012 Sears catalogue  The all new Craftsman Defibrillator  Comes complete with an egg timer TV remote and AM FM Radio  Perfect for that cardiovascular shut-in Complete English/ Spanish implant instructions included

From the 1802 Sears catalogue  The all new Craftsman all open prairie all terrain wagon  It’ll get ya from here to there without a care  ‘Corrding to that song folks you can now cross every mountain ford every stream  Follow every rainbow till you find your dream  Yes sir  It’s the Craftsman Kansas Territories Deluxe Prairie Schooner or the Flatlands Special Emigrant Farm Wagon  Both models available in stunning Desert Dust Brown or Dry Culch Gray  All models now have genuine buffalo hide lined buckboard seats flame retardant bonnets Midas sturdy brake blocks bigger better Sheffield steel brake levers and two Coleman fifty gallon water barrels  Special offer this week only pilgrims  For all you first time homesteaders sheep herders school marms and Sunday preachers  Come on in  Let’s talk so you don’t have to walk  Sorry folks  No credit apps will be taken from drifters sidewinders polecats renegades gun slingers desperadoes or tinhorn gamblers  The Sears catalogue for all your wagon needs